Monday, November 29, 2010

I Cried at Work Today

That's right, I cried at work today. Luckily I was the only one in the office. Let me explain...

My oldest child is 13. An official teenager! I am experiencing what I am certain all parents, especially mothers, experience. My child hates me! Okay, I know he doesn't really, but I feel like it sometimes. More recently he has hurt my feelings. I know it wasn't intentional, and I hope I didn't let it show that he'd crushed me. He was just being honest. 

I suddenly realized that he hadn't been to, or asked to go to, a football game. I asked him why he didn't want to go to football games at school. "I do" he said.
"Well you've never asked me to go."
"That's because I know you will go and I don't want to be there if you're there."

That was pretty much the end of the conversation.

Later that day...

The Razorbacks were playing and the game was on. My hubby was at deer camp and I was making dinner, wrangling babies, etc. My son gets up, comes in the kitchen and informs me he's going to my sister's house to watch the game. (I should mention that she lives behind me. Yes, MY sister, on MY husband's family compound. That's because she's married to his brother.) What could I say? So he left. And my feelings were hurt again. He dislikes me so much that he doesn't even want to WATCH a football game in my house. I wasn't even in the same room as him!

So back to today. I was sitting at work and had Pandora going. (If you haven't discovered Pandora you should really enlighten yourself) Brad Paisley's song If I Could Write A Letter To Me came on. The waterworks did too.

I love my children SO much. They are my world and my only goal is to raise happy, healthy children. Not happy because they get everything they want, but happy because they've earned it. I want to raise responsible adults that make a positive contribution to society. I want them to get and education, have a career, follow their dreams, be passionate about something. I want SO many things for them! I know that I only get a short time to "mold" them. Unfortunately, that means they're not always going to like me! I know this, but it still hurts my feelings sometimes. If they only knew what I know. If they only knew that EVERYTHING I do is for THEM and because I love them so much!

As I listened to the song it made me think of my oldest. The one that cringes when I hug him, hides in his room all of the time, and gets an attitude with me daily. It made me cry because I know where he's coming from. I remember being his age and thinking my parents were morons. I remember thinking all they did was ride my butt and get me in trouble. But I know what I know now, as a parent. I know that it was just because they loved me. I know that I wouldn't be the wonderful person I am today if it weren't for the way they molded me. If he only knew.

On a lighter note...



1 comment:

  1. Aww Winter! You know what made me stop disrespecting my mom? I overheard a conversation she had with my dad, she was crying, YES, MY MOM, and she was telling him that she couldn't take it anymore. That was the first time I ever saw her cry, and hopefully the LAST time I ever MADE her cry. I was Eric's age.